Tuesday, July 30, 2013

A frown, or smirk, or smile
  
Don't matter much to The Kiwis.  They see beyond.  They told me that I have an angry smile.  I can only guess that it's not that pretty.  We had a family conference.  "Momma, you need to laugh", "Momma, what's hurting you?"  So simple, kids words.  When did I stop laughing.  Wasn't there a smile on my face just a few weeks ago?  Knock knock.  Who's there?  Banana.  Knock knock.  Who's there.  Banana.  Knock knock. who's there?  Orange.  Orange you glad I didn't say banana?  That puts a smirk on my face.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Speaking of Damn It

My Grandmother passed away just an hour ago.  Damn it, people and dogs and plants are dropping like flies around me.  Don't come to visit.

Here's the sad thing...I'm putting the boys down and I get the email, so I tell them and say, "Let's have a prayer.."  And Chuck goes, "It's not fair."  I say, "Sweetie, I know, it's not, but she was 93 and lived a long beautiful life, and had so many people that loved her, and....."  I go on and on, and he interrupts me and says, "No, it's not fair that our Dad died and we never even got to meet him."

Now, what the Hell do you say to that?

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Writing A Book

Super crazy, who would read what I write?

See Spot Run

I have an audience for that.  This amazing woman is writing her 4th book and thinks that I could maybe style myself down with one.  Did I just write that?  It's not about writing a book.  I have this stuff in my head, and most of it I would prefer to not share, but the idea...Well, it would give me an excuse to be grumpy.  I could say things like, "Chuck, Damn It, I'm work'n here"....or "I don't know who or what is to blame, but I have a deadline...leave me alone, and be quiet, damn it"  I kinda like the damn it factor.  If I'm I writer, I can use those words, right?

Damn straight.

So...Once Upon A Time...

Monday, July 22, 2013

Dennis Hopper and Aretha Franklin, Queen of Soul

The three of us were just hanging out one night watching The Lakers at his place in Taos.  I made snacks and he and The Re Re played.  He took pictures of the two of us, which, I fear, I will never see. He liked her.  Here's the cool thing....Dennis Hopper thought she was cool, that's COOL.  She was.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Peanut Butter and Jelly and Regret

We all have those three things, but at the same time, almost everyday?  Let me explain.  Years ago, my sister and I were talking about how we make PB&J's like our old step mom used to make them, where the peanut butter was thick and the jelly was spread all the way to all the ends of the bread, cut in corners, crust off.  I had just started making these sandwiches for my, then, 2 year olds.  But I swore that I made them just like Jane, our ex Step Mom.  We agreed, she was the best.  Our Mother was in earshot. She didn't say anything.  Paige, my sister, and I have never even talked about this, but, I feel like, "Why did I say that?  In front of my Mom?"  She clearly heard it, it must have hurt in some small way.  I just finished making those darn sandwiches for my kid's lunches tomorrow, and every time I spread the peanut butter and cut the crust off, I think of how horrible it must have felt.  I mean every time, and I make them a lot.

  My kids will never have a step mom.  I don't know if that's good or bad.  I know that I will never have to hear that conversation, and that's good for me.  I would never want to be compared to some other woman when it comes to my children.

There's a difference between a single parent and an only parent.  I choose the latter and that is making all the difference in the world.  A little Frost

So, what to do about PB&J's?  My Mom would say, "What, I don't even remember that, what are you talking about?"..or.."Farrah, let it go, make a sandwich."

She is a wise woman.